The fifth pattern is especially useful when you're giving bad news to a client or customer. Below is an example in which an effective organizational pattern is not used. See if you can identify the problems:
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I was given the task of getting the agent records data you need by Friday. We can't possibly have the data by Friday. Our department is just too overloaded with tasks and we haven't been given funding for the staff we've told everyone we need.
If we end up being able to get the data together in the next few days, I'll let you know. Otherwise, you'll just have to wait for it.
I'd really like to help, and maybe we can take someone off of the revision project for a couple of days, if you don't mind a little delay on that one. That isn't as important to you, I know. Let me know.
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This organization and content are guaranteed to leave the reader frustrated. The writer begins almost angrily, with a very negative approach to the situation. Instead of putting a very reasonable solution early in the message, she places it at the end after she has vented her frustration. The offer to help is painted a dark color because she started the e‑mail with dark words. The tone the writer sets at the beginning colors the rest of the message.
Instead, the writer should have used the following organization:
Introduce herself to make the message personal.
Sympathize with the reader's situation.
Explain the problem. Stay with facts, causes, and effects.
Explain what she is already doing about the problem if anything.
Offer the best solution possible and pledge to help make it a reality. When possible, involve the reader as a partner in the solution.
Keep the bad news about what can't be done until after the solution, if possible. Word it with the solution as the antidote.
Reiterate how the solution will take care of the bad news.
End with a personal conclusion and her commitment to help.
Depending upon the content, some parts may have to be rearranged. Try to present as much of the positive before the negative as you can.
This is the same e‑mail following this format:
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I am Jane Tallon, systems analyst in MIS. I know you need the data and we're doing our best to pull it all together and get it to you in spite of our lack of staffing and the burden of too many projects all at once.
We need help to finish the task. If you're willing, we'll take someone off of the revision project for a couple of days if you don't mind the delay on that less important project, and we'll put every resource we can into getting the data together.
We're not going to have the data you need this Friday as we had hoped, but with your help, we'll have it together as quickly as possible.
Call me to talk about it if you have other suggestions. We're committed to getting the data to you as fast as we can.
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These are the parts:
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Introduction: I am Jane Tallon, systems analyst in MIS. Sympathize and explain the problem: I know you need the data and What she's doing: we're doing our best to pull it all together and get it to you in spite of our lack of staffing and the burden of too many projects all at once.
Solution: We need help to finish the task. If you're willing, we'll take someone off of the revision project for a couple of days if you don't mind the delay on that less important project, and we'll put every resource we can into getting the data together.
The bad news: We're not going to have the data you need this Friday as we had hoped, Commitment to the solution: but with your help, we'll have it together as quickly as possible.
Personal conclusion: Call me to talk about it if you have other suggestions. Commitment to help: We're committed to getting the data to you as fast as we can.
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If the reader is responsible for the problem, avoid assigning blame. You can sort out who has dropped the ball at some other time. People have a natural tendency to try to justify the problem by assigning fault to the reader. However, the reader will not see that as a plea to understand the cause of the problem. The reader will see it as an attack.
Stay away from criticism, fault, and negative language in the bad news message. Just state the problem and what you will do about it. The fault will probably be obvious, but in any event, when the content is already sensitive, attacking the reader will just throw gasoline on the fire. This is a poorly written message guaranteed to inflame the reader.
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I was given the task of getting the agent records data you need by Friday. Your department didn't make the request until last week and then didn't give us the specifications we need when we asked for them. We can't possibly have the data by Friday but it's not because of anything our department has done. Our department is just too overloaded with tasks and we haven't had the cooperation we need from your staff to comply with your request.
If you can get your people to be more cooperative, we can get the data to you as soon as possible.
I'd really like to help, and maybe we can take someone off of the revision project for a couple of days, if you don't mind a little delay on that one. That isn't as important to you, I know. Let me know.
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Instead of this message focusing on fault, the writer should have asked for what she needed and let the fault appear naturally, or sort out fault in a meeting after the project is finished:
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On Monday, I was given the task of getting the agent records data you need by Friday. We've put all the resources we have on pulling it together during the last four days, but as you know, this would normally take two weeks and we're understaffed. We do need your help now. We've asked your staff for the specifications twice but haven't received them. Help us out by having them send them over today.
We can't possibly have the data by Friday because of the short time and the fact that our department is just overloaded with tasks. If we have the specifications by later today, we're hoping to have your data by early next week.
Be assured that we're going to continue to do everything humanly possible to get the data to you as soon as we can.
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