Activity 9: Writing Concisely
Identifying and Deleting Deadwood

Deadwood is text you can eliminate because it conveys no useful information. The test of whether words are deadwood is to eliminate them and see whether the meaning changes when they are not there. If you see no change in meaning, then they are deadwood words. Delete them.

Delete the deadwood in this text. Experiment with the words. Try eliminating everything that might be deadwood. See whether it changes the meaning. If it doesn't, then you have eliminated deadwood. Click on the "Finished" button when you are done.

Delete the deadwood:

 

Redundancies - Words, Phrases, and Sentences that Repeat Information Already Presented

Redundant words, phrases, and sentences repeat ideas unnecessarily. They are crossed out in the example paragraph below:

The first method that can help our company eliminate employee theft is pre-employment screening. We need to hire applicants who have the proper work skills and for being successful in the jobs and applicants who have integrity, service, and safety to ensure that there is less chance that they will engage in employee theft. To ensure this, we need to use pre-employment screening techniques that identify job candidates who possess integrity, service orientation, and concern for safety.

Look for the same words or ideas repeated in the text. At times, they will be necessary to help the reader understand your meaning. Most of the time, they will be needless redundancies.

Delete the redundancies in this text. Click on the "Finished" button when you are done.

Delete the redundancies

 

How to Eliminate Deadwood and Redundancies

Follow this process to write more concisely.

  1. Write the text as you normally would.

  2. Read each sentence looking for deadwood or redundancies that you can eliminate.

  3. Delete the deadwood and redundancies.

  4. Reread the resulting sentences to be sure that they are still clear and have not lost meaning.

  5. Look at each group of sentences that explains a single idea. Will combining two or more sentences into one sentence eliminate words? Avoid making long, complex sentences that are difficult to read. However, you may discover that the sentences repeat words that add no useful information. If so, combine them into one simple, easy-to-understand sentence that is not overly complex or long.

  6. When possible, break out lists of information into bulleted or numbered lists. That makes the text easier to understand and often eliminates redundant words. Indent the lists one-half inch and skip lines between items in the list. If the text is double-spaced, single-space the lines of text.

    After you have eliminated the deadwood and redundancies, edit the text to ensure that the sentences are clear and that you have enough information to be certain that the reader understands your message. If you wish, add some personal touches.

    Practice with this paragraph. Delete all of the deadwood and redundancies. Change the wording to make the sentences clear and complete. Click on the "Finished" button when you are done.

Delete the deadwood and redundancies:

 

Combining Sentences to
Streamline Your Writing

Combine sentences that contain redundant information. Business writers often say the same thing twice, changing the wording so the second iteration sounds like it is new information, but it isn't. Combine the sentences below to make as few sentences as you can.

Be sure to make the sentences simple and straightforward. Don't use "and," "which," and other constructions that make the sentence longer, but don't streamline it. If the sentence starts to become complex, make two sentences.

Creates as few sentences as you can:

 

Don't Write the Obvious

If a statement you write contains information too obvious to be worth the space, delete it. Such statements just take up valuable reader time and make the writing seem airy and inconsequential.

Delete the obvious statements from this text:

Delete the obvious statements:

 

Change Word Combinations that Contain Redundancies or Deadwood

Many phrases commonly used in business writing contain redundancies and deadwood. Type a shorter version of each of the following commonly used phrases. Use your sense about what is redundant or deadwood to identify what needs to be changed.

Change these phrases to eliminate redundancies and deadwood:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is one answer. Your answer may be different in some ways. These are the deadwood, redundancies, and obvious statements you might have eliminated:

In the past two months, we have encountered a growing problem that is becoming worse. Employees who come in after the day shift to work in the evenings are leaving lights on and are not turning off all things that use electricity. . Our electric bill has increased over the past two months by 200%. This has coincided with starting to allow employees to use flex time in the evenings to do their work. We want to encourage working in the evening, but somehow we have to reduce the electric bill during the evening hours. Let's all try turning off all lights and electric devices after hours when they are not in use. Of course, we aren't discouraging turning on anything that must be used; just turn it off when done.

The resulting paragraph would look like this:

In the past two months, our electric bill has increased by 200%. This has coincided with employees using flex time in the evenings. We encourage working in the evening, but have to reduce the electric bill. Let's all try turning off all lights and electric devices when they are not in use.

Some finishing this exercise feel, "But some of that's important to say." For example, it seems important to say the problem is becoming worse, but writing that it increased over the past two months means the same thing. You can also eliminate "we aren't discouraging turning on anything that must be used" because that's painfully obvious. Would the employees work in the dark or not use their computers?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is one answer. Your answer will be different in some ways. First, these are the deadwood and redundancy words you might have crossed out.

The plant site has experienced an increase in erosion, primarily in the back area that was left unseeded after the plant was built last year. The unseeding resulted in erosion because there was nothing to keep the rains from washing soil off of the sloping area in the back area. We need to select a method of reducing the erosion problem in the back of the plant as soon as possible. There are two alternatives: seed with a light grass or use a heavier hedge such as sawgrass or vetiver grass. The heavier sawgrass or vetiver grass will take care of itself but will look wilder. Sawgrass or vetiver grass have the advantage of keeping soil on the site also because they are a heavier hedge. The light grass reduces erosion but can let some soil wash away where the grass is not as heavy because it is lighter than the heavier hedges.

The resulting paragraph might look like this:

The plant site has increased erosion, primarily in the back area that was left unseeded after the plant was built last year leaving nothing to keep the rains from washing soil off. We need to select a method of reducing the erosion as soon as possible. We could seed with a light grass or use a heavier hedge such as sawgrass or vetiver grass that will look wilder but will take care of itself and keep soil on more effectively. The light grass can still let some soil wash away.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is one answer. Your answer will be different in some ways. Read it over once to see how easy it is for you to understand the concepts. You should see that deleting the deadwood, redundancies, and obvious statements makes it much easier to follow and understand.

Your management stimulates energy in employees to either accomplish company goals or act unproductively or counterproductively.

It may encourage employees' feelings of competence or threaten their feelings of safety, self-worth, and acceptance. Management creates positive energy in employees through satisfying, encouraging interactions that create a sympathetic environment.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is one answer. Your answer may be different in some ways. Most of what the author wrote was painfully obvious. This text also eliminates redundancies and deadwood.

The term, "leader," is associated with power, confidence, assertiveness, knowledge and strength. A follower, on the other hand, is described as powerless, self-conscious, timid, and weak.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is one answer. Your answer may be different in some ways. Most of what the author wrote was painfully obvious.

Managers who prefer to make decisions without consulting others do not benefit from the good ideas others have.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

plan in advance = plan

for the sum of = for

in the event that = if

important essentials = essentials

ultimate end = end

just exactly = exactly

still continue = continue

on the occasion of = when

at this point in time = now

prior to the start of = before

merge together = merge

enclosed herein = enclosed

cooperate together = cooperate

true facts = true

 
Submit to your instructor.

Please fill in the information requested below so your instructor knows you have finished reading this section.

Your name:


Your e‑mail address:

If you have a question for the instructor, write your question below before you click on the "I have finished" button.