Combine sentences to show relationships. Separate sentences to make them clearer.

Try to limit sentences to one or two ideas.

Sentences are like people standing before you giving you messages. If you have one person giving you a message, it will be stronger and easier to understand. If you have two people giving it to you, you will be able to see the relationship between the two messages more easily because they're giving them to you one right after the other and showing you how they're related, but it's a little more difficult to listen to two people. When you have three people, each giving you a message, you start to become a little confused because, even though the relationships are close, the messages start to interfere with each other. If you have four or five people, you really feel like you're overwhelmed with messages.

The same is true of sentences. If you put one idea in one sentence, that idea is strong and clear. However, you don't see the relationship between that idea and the next as clearly. This example has a series of short sentences. You'll see that they're clear but choppy and don't show the relationships between them:

The world is getting smaller and smaller. Many companies now encourage international trade. It is an important aspect of their sales strategies. There are rapid changes in technology. That creates the ability by importers and exporters worldwide to expand their markets. The methods of payment for these transactions have not changed significantly over the last decade. Changes in technology are allowing instantaneous payment transactions. Many companies are not making use of the new technologies.

The relationships between the ideas are lost. Combining sentences shows the relationships:

Because the world is getting smaller and smaller, many companies now encourage international trade as an important aspect of their sales strategies. Despite the rapid changes in technology that create the ability by importers and exporters worldwide to expand their markets, the methods of payment for these transactions have not changed significantly over the last decade. Many companies are not making use of the new technologies to allow instantaneous payment transactions.

The paragraph is easier to read and the ideas make more sense. Combining ideas into sentences shows relationships.

However, combining too many ideas into a single sentence fogs the relationships because the reader must make too many connections at once. It is as though several people were trying to give their messages at once, as in this example:

The world is getting smaller and smaller and rapid changes in technology are creating the ability by importers and exporters worldwide to expand their markets, and while many companies now encourage international trade as an important aspect of their sales strategies, the methods of payment for these transactions have not changed significantly over the last decade and many companies are not making use of the same new technologies to allow instantaneous payment transactions.

The sentence now contains eight ideas and is tedious to read. The reader will finish reading the sentence with this message: "many companies are not making use of the new technologies to allow instantaneous payment transactions." The earlier ideas will be less clear. The reason is that stacking ideas into a sentence results in the earlier ideas being lost as later ideas crowd them out in the reader's mind.

To convey facts clearly and emphatically, limit the number of ideas in a sentence. Usually put one or two important facts in a sentence. Sometimes have three. Rarely have four or more.

Keep sentences in simple, factual e‑mails, letters, memos, or reports to an average of around 15 words. Sentences in longer, explanatory reports may average around 20 words.

Read your sentences aloud to review them. If a sentence sounds tedious and confusing, break it into smaller sentences. If all the sentences are short and sound choppy, combine some to show the relationships more clearly.

Identify the critical idea words in sentences to decide how to combine or separate sentences.

Identify the critical idea words to see whether the sentences can be combined or whether the ideas in one sentence should be separated into two or more sentences. This sentence is too long:

Compared to similar programs managed by Fallon, the evaluators in the Apex program provided more than double the number of bugs, suggestions, and comments, comprising 275 pieces of discrete data with the level of participation in evaluations and producing call reports being better than those tallied in similar programs.

To make the sentence clear, identify the critical idea words in your mind. You can then decide how to separate them. The critical idea words are in red in this example:

Compared to similar programs managed by Fallon, the evaluators in the Apex program provided more than double the number of bugs, suggestions and comments, comprising 275 pieces of discrete data with the level of participation in evaluations and producing call reports being better than those tallied in similar programs.

This shows us that "similar programs" is repeated at the beginning and end. That is a signal that some of the text is redundant and separated. Between the two "similar programs" statement are the following comparisons:

double the number of bugs, suggestions, and comments
275 pieces of discrete data
participation in evaluations and producing call reports being better

Now the sentence seems more manageable. It isn't really saying that much. The writer can combine them into a shorter, clear sentence that keeps the list together while deleting the redundant words:

Compared to similar programs managed by Fallon, the evaluators in the Apex program provided more than double the number of bugs, suggestions, and comments, 275 pieces of discrete data, and better participation in evaluations and producing call reports.

Knowing that broken out lists are always clearer, the writer would make the sentence even clearer:

Compared to similar programs managed by Fallon, the evaluators in the Apex program provided
  1. more than double the number of bugs, suggestions, and comments
  2. 275 pieces of discrete data
  3. better participation in evaluations and producing call reports

Combine sentences that sound choppy.

If the e‑mail, memo, letter, or report sounds like a series of choppy statements, it may be that you are presenting discrete pieces of information that must be separated. If so, they probably belong in a list.

However, if you have a series of short sentences that are explaining information, the short sentences may make the relationships more difficult to understand. The reader has to combine them in his or her mind. If that is true, do the work for the reader. Combine the sentences with words that explain the relationships.

This report contains a series of short, choppy sentences:

Most evaluators found the Apex Web site easy to use and navigate. They stated that the screens were well laid out and clear. They said it lacked some features. It also had a few defects. One evaluator experienced some crashes on his system. The cause was probably a hardware failure. We don't think it was a software problem. None of the other evaluators experienced the same problem.

The relationships are unclear because of the short sentences. When you identify the critical idea words, you find that the report has six parts:

  1. "easy to use"
  2. "well laid out and clear"
  3. "lacked some features"
  4. "had a few defects"
  5. "crashes"
  6. "cause"

They group into two ideas: positives and negatives.

Since the text contains two major ideas, the writer would first try to combine the ideas into two sentences so the relationships are clear:

Most evaluators found the Apex Web site easy to use and navigate because the screens were well laid out and clear. However, they said it lacked some features and had a few defects, such as one evaluator experiencing some crashes on his system, probably due to a hardware failure, not a software problem, because none of the other evaluators experienced the same problem.

The first sentence is fine. It combines the positive statements into one sentence that makes clearer the relationship between "easy to use and navigate" and "screens were laid out and clear." However, the second has become long and clumsy. The writer would want to change that, as explained in the next section below.

When a sentence seems long, tedious, or unclear, separate the ideas into more than one sentence.

The counterpart of combining sentences to make the relationships clear is to separate ideas into more than one sentence when a sentence becomes long, tedious, or unclear. The example sentence in the previous illustration has become too long. The writer would want to separate it so the main parts were discrete. The main parts are

  1. "lacked some features and had a few defects"
  2. "one evaluator experiencing some crashes on his system, probably due to a hardware failure, not a software problem, because none of the other evaluators experienced the same problem"

The sentence might be rewritten into two sentences:

However, they said it lacked some features and had a few defects. One defect was that an evaluator experienced some crashes on his system, probably due to a hardware failure, not a software problem, because none of the other evaluators experienced the same problem.

The two sentences are easier to read and understand than the longer sentence. However, the writer may feel the second sentence now contains two discrete ideas that should be separated:

  1. "an evaluator experienced some crashes on his system"
  2. "probably due to a hardware failure, not a software problem, because none of the other evaluators experienced the same problem"

Because the sentence is clear now, the writer will be making a style decision about whether to break the sentence up into two more sentences. A style decision differs from a clarity decision. Writers make style decisions to improve the quality or feel of the sentences, but the decision has little effect on clarity. If the writer decided to break up the sentence, the final paragraph might look like this:

Most evaluators found the Apex Web site easy to use and navigate because the screens were well laid out and clear. However, they said it lacked some features and had a few defects. One defect was that an evaluator experienced some crashes on his system. That was probably due to a hardware failure, not a software problem, because none of the other evaluators experienced the same problem.

The resulting sentences are easy to follow and clear.

Repeating an idea or words in two sentences is a signal you may want to combine them.

In the last version of the example text we have been using, the writer repeats the key word "defect" that creates an important transition between sentences. As a result, repeating the word is necessary there.

However, reexamine sentences that repeat key words and ideas to see whether they can be combined into one sentence. That reduces the number of words and makes the relationship clearer. This example has key words repeated unnecessarily because it is broken into smaller sentences:

We will meet on Tuesday, April 17, from 10 a.m. to 1 p.m. The meeting will be in conference room B on the 7th floor. During the meeting, we will discuss the essential components of the project plan presented in this report.

"Meet" and "meeting" are used three times in three sentences. That is a signal that the three may be combined to create a clearer sentence that makes the ideas easier to understand and quicker to read:

We will meet on Tuesday, April 17, from 10 a.m. to 1 p.m. in conference room B on the 7th floor to discuss the essential components of the project plan presented in this report.

When you see words repeated, reexamine the sentences to see whether they can be combined. However, also be wary that you do not create a long, unwieldy sentence when you combine two or more sentences into one. Combine sentences to show the relationships; separate sentences to make long sentences clearer.

Place important ideas in their own sentences for emphasis.

You can also use sentence length to emphasize important ideas. When you put an idea into its own sentence, you make it very strong. If you have an important idea, a fact the reader must remember, or an action the reader must perform, place it into its own sentence. This sentence buries an important fact:

The most effective way to improve our ability to capture customer complaints is to develop summary reports for managers that will enable them to track their problem areas so we can reduce the problems we've had with customers leaving.

The important idea is, "This is a way to reduce the problems with customers leaving." However, that important fact is buried in the sentence. Giving it a separate sentence emphasizes it:

The most effective way to improve our ability to capture customer complaints is to develop summary reports for managers that will enable them to track their problem areas. That can reduce the problems we've had with customers leaving.

Each of these methods adds emphasis:

  1. Place the idea in its own sentence.
  2. Place the sentence first or last in a paragraph or in the first or last paragraph when they are in separate paragraphs.
  3. Place the sentence into its own paragraph.

This example uses all three methods together:

We must reduce the problems we've had with customers leaving.

The most effective way to improve our ability to capture customer complaints is to develop summary reports for managers that will enable them to track their problem areas.

Changing the critical idea words you place in the separate sentence can change the emphasis in the paragraph:

We must improve our ability to capture customer complaints.

The most effective way is to develop summary reports for managers that will enable managers to track their problem areas to reduce the problems we've had with customers leaving.

Finally, notice how the emphasis is lost when the paragraph is reduced to a series of short sentences:

The most effective way to improve our ability to capture customer complaints is to develop summary reports for managers. They will enable them to track their problem areas. That can reduce the problems we've had with customers leaving.

Example

To see an example of two paragraphs with problems in sentence length and a revision that improves them, click on the "Example" button below. The information will appear in a new window. Close the new window when you're finished looking at the examples.

Example

 

 

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